I am Hope

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Letting go… & Letting God

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I hear you… MOM

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minnie

I am Hope

The day that we got “the call” I felt that all hope was lost. That November day in 2001 the sky was filled with clouds that I could swear were made to pour out the tears that where welling up inside me. Josh and I were sitting as close as we could on that plaid covered futon staring at our brand new little baby girl. I felt with one word the doctor had sliced my heart right in half. I had never felt true heart break until that very moment. How could this happen? How would we ever find hope in this hopeless situation? What were we going to do? In a single 10 minute phone call our life changed forever.

Honestly I had no idea how much our life would be affected that day. I never could of imaged that a tiny little baby girl with a great big pink bow could teach us how to have HOPE. This same little girl would lead us in a FIGHT of a lifetime. She UNITES people together with a single cause. She has taught us all how to be WARRIORS.

Warriors have to learn how to fight along side people that they have chosen to unite with. By doing this hope is inspired.

HOPE comes in many forms, our HOPE comes in the Lord, that He is the giver of life. I found solace in this knowing that God knew every day that she would breath. Each day she was with us was gift from Him alone. Without this comfort I really would have gone crazy, I would have lost my mind. I held on to the HOPE that God had a plan for her before she was born. Nothing I could do would ever change His ultimate plan.

FIGHT of a lifetime! When you are fighting for the life of someone you love round and round we have gone, but each time she and we have become and remained stronger. Fighting, Josh and I learned that together we made an awesome team. When one of us was down we would find some way to lift the other up before the next round. We both learned that fighting as a team is so much better if we took the time to help each other.

Unity is beautiful

UNITES people, from doctors across the country to teenagers learning how to serve for the first time. She has the light of the Lord living in her. It is not her medical condition it is her, she is amazing. People choose to unite for a common cause, to uplift, to help, to inspire. Unity is beautiful.

WARRIORS have to learn how to fight along side people that they have chosen to unite with. By doing this hope is inspired. Each of us is a warrior of a different kind. warrior of the bills, warrior of advocating, warrior of making her laugh when she is sick, Prayer warrior, healing hand warrior, cleaning my house warrior, even gift giving warriors! When you become apart of a family that has been touched by childhood cancer please know that you are warriors with us.

Now 11 years later I look at this big girl with a little yellow bow on and see that she is HOPE for a disease that is heart shattering. That the life in her is HOPE. The WARRIOR she is, is HOPE. The way she UNIFIES People is HOPE. Her never ending FIGHT is HOPE. HOPE for childhood cancer… I think so.

Words from Minnie

Cancer has affected my life in a good way…. cause I have met doctors that give hope for kids like me and you. Nurses have work so hard to help me, they have also encouraged me to do my best. It does not matter if it is just bending down to tie my shoes or to climb 22 flights of stairs. The nurses that have been in my life have made my life so much better. My brother makes me feel safe, my dad prays for me and makes me smile and laugh. My mom stays 24-7 when I am in the hospital and always helps the doctors take care of me. My friends will come and visit always. All of these people give me hope.

 

Letting go… & Letting God

I am going to cling to this promise. But in order to do so I am going to have to let go of some things. Let me explain, I am mad at God. Yes, I totally just said that… I don’t want to be… I need to let go of this rage. The thing is I feel like he has abandoned  my daughter. If it was me if I was the one in constant pain, I would be able to accept “God’s Plan”. What my spirit is having a really hard time with is accepting the fact that His plan could include Minnie enduring pain for the rest of her life.  I hate the thought, I wish I could take her pain away, I want a miracle.

My heart keeps going back to Mary, Jesus’s mom. I wonder if she was at the feet of the cross wondering if God had “forgotten” her child. I wonder if she felt abandoned?  Mary had to sit and watch her child endure pain, and die. She could not fix it. I can image that just like all of us moms she would of  taken his place in a heart beat. But that was not God’s plan.  God’s plan for Jesus was incredible, but in the moments of torturous pain did Mary understand? We all know the rest of the story… but at the time Jesus’s mom did not. A miracle, I can see the relief on Mary’s face when Jesus arose from the dead.  I can see her praising the Lord.

So how do I let go of my hurt, anger, sorrow?  It should be simple I have to have Faith that God is going to do above anything I could ever think or hope. I have to trust that the Lord is going to give more abundantly to my child than I could ever ask.  Can I do it? Can I let go and let God?  I am going to try… I am going to place Minnie’s pain in his hands… at his feet, and rest in Him.

My Mommy friends with children that are enduring life, please walk with me, try to trust that our Lord has a plan for our children.  Choose Faith today, and lets see the amazing things God is going to do through the suffering of our children. Just look at the amazing things that happened through the suffering of His Child.

I hear you… MOM

Take a moment… or a few to think back to your bedroom as a 10 year old little girl. I can remember mine only because with each vision also comes my mothers voice saying ” I hope one day you’ll have a daughter… JUST LIKE YOU”. Not trying to be sac religious, but OMG. REALLY MOM!!!! I have been blessed, with a little girl who is a princess pig pin. I know you all LOVE her. ( Get over it! ) For one post this Mom has had it. I spent my whole day cleaning out her pig pin… I am sure this must stem back to the fact Minnie’s imaginary friend was a “house keeper”. She really never learned how to clean ( so I taught her how today by doing it myself why she was at school…) I AM MY MOTHER!!! Again OMG! No wonder she thought “Sally”( her imaginary house keeper ) came when she was sleeping or at school… SHE DID!

How many of you hear your mothers voice saying something wise, or unwise everyday? I am now getting to… YES… “that age” when I understand my mother. The best part is I love it! The better part is, if I remember this tiny bit of wisdom. I will remember someday Minnie will hear my voice and love it too.

PS… MOM
I have my air conditioning on and my doors wide open!!! Yes, I am cooling the outdoors!

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