Entries by Rachel

Gig on the side…

 

Working Mama’s… I never understood you until this past week,  I thought I did, I really thought I did.  This was until I work my very first 40 hour week in 14 years.  Yes, I can hear y’all groaning!  I wonder if you know what everyone says to stay at home Mama’s. If you don’t let me help you out… It goes kinda like this. Strange new person will ask  “what do you do for a living”… Stay at home mama will reply ” oh nothing, I stay at home.” Then the said Strange new person will say…” oh that is by far the hardest job a woman can have…” as they roll their eye balls as far back as they can manage without each one getting frozen into place.

Now as a stay at home Mama, I typically fill up my days with volunteer opportunities, helping at the church, in this ministry or that. Never minding the endless hours of taxi cab driving I do. I always have time to do my laundry, clean my house, grocery shop, or to  cook… you name it I can fit it into my schedule.  My life is all about “fitting everything in.” But… I have always had the freedom to do it during normal business hours.  To fit whatever in when I feel like it, like when the kids are at school! Remember I said I thought I understood working Mama’s. Yes, I know y’all are rolling your eye balls REALLY far back into your heads. Maybe even shaking your heads at me the same time. I imagine you are also saying “Oh no she didn’t”… But I did, I have said it out load a thousand times. I have even blogged about how we need to understand each other.

If I was really lucky I could straighten up  I mean  hide our mess.

Please forgive me, I had no clue. I never imagined that I would feel guilty every second I was away from my family. It never occurred to me that I would  have to for go sleep so laundry could be completed, lunches made and maybe if I was really lucky I could straighten up I mean  hide our mess. Note, I did not say clean my house what working mom has time to clean?  My kids even went to school one day in moist pants. My husband, well he was really on his own. As for me, I had to give up sleep to iron my clothes everyday so I did not look how I felt.

When it came right down to it I felt ashamed.

How did I feel? I felt guilty, scattered,  most of all I panicked every time my phone dinged, afraid it was one of my kids hurt or sick and I would have to tell them that there was not a thing in this world I could do.  I felt like I could not fully complete anything and that I was half doing everything.  When it came right down to it I felt ashamed. I kept reflecting on all my friends who are working Mama’s, especially my friends who are single working Mama’s. I kept saying to myself “how in the world do they do this each and everyday?”  I felt pride for each one of my working Mama Friends, Sisters, Auntie’s or Mama’s.  Honestly working for one week showed me how little I truly understand about the life of a working Mama.

Can do Attitude

I am blessed by the sacrifice that so many woman make. I am thankful for my Mama-in-Law who always worked put food on the table clothes on the backs of my husband and brother-in-law. I am so thankful that she taught both of her boys hard work ethic, and the “can do attitude” that each of these men have.  I am thankful for my sister-in-law who goes to work everyday, helping to provide for my nieces.  So many moms, teachers nurses, doctors, pastors, real estate agents, all of the self made mama’s in my life.   Each one of these jobs is held by a Mama that I am proud of. There are so many jobs that Mama’s hold, if not for each one of them the world would stop.

Thank all you working Mama’s for teaching me, humbling me, and loving me in spite of my self centered self.

I am Hope

The day that we got “the call” I felt that all hope was lost. That November day in 2001 the sky was filled with clouds that I could swear were made to pour out the tears that where welling up inside me. Josh and I were sitting as close as we could on that plaid covered futon staring at our brand new little baby girl. I felt with one word the doctor had sliced my heart right in half. I had never felt true heart break until that very moment. How could this happen? How would we ever find hope in this hopeless situation? What were we going to do? In a single 10 minute phone call our life changed forever.

Honestly I had no idea how much our life would be affected that day. I never could of imaged that a tiny little baby girl with a great big pink bow could teach us how to have HOPE. This same little girl would lead us in a FIGHT of a lifetime. She UNITES people together with a single cause. She has taught us all how to be WARRIORS.

Warriors have to learn how to fight along side people that they have chosen to unite with. By doing this hope is inspired.

HOPE comes in many forms, our HOPE comes in the Lord, that He is the giver of life. I found solace in this knowing that God knew every day that she would breath. Each day she was with us was gift from Him alone. Without this comfort I really would have gone crazy, I would have lost my mind. I held on to the HOPE that God had a plan for her before she was born. Nothing I could do would ever change His ultimate plan.

FIGHT of a lifetime! When you are fighting for the life of someone you love round and round we have gone, but each time she and we have become and remained stronger. Fighting, Josh and I learned that together we made an awesome team. When one of us was down we would find some way to lift the other up before the next round. We both learned that fighting as a team is so much better if we took the time to help each other.

Unity is beautiful

UNITES people, from doctors across the country to teenagers learning how to serve for the first time. She has the light of the Lord living in her. It is not her medical condition it is her, she is amazing. People choose to unite for a common cause, to uplift, to help, to inspire. Unity is beautiful.

WARRIORS have to learn how to fight along side people that they have chosen to unite with. By doing this hope is inspired. Each of us is a warrior of a different kind. warrior of the bills, warrior of advocating, warrior of making her laugh when she is sick, Prayer warrior, healing hand warrior, cleaning my house warrior, even gift giving warriors! When you become apart of a family that has been touched by childhood cancer please know that you are warriors with us.

Now 11 years later I look at this big girl with a little yellow bow on and see that she is HOPE for a disease that is heart shattering. That the life in her is HOPE. The WARRIOR she is, is HOPE. The way she UNIFIES People is HOPE. Her never ending FIGHT is HOPE. HOPE for childhood cancer… I think so.

Words from Minnie

Cancer has affected my life in a good way…. cause I have met doctors that give hope for kids like me and you. Nurses have work so hard to help me, they have also encouraged me to do my best. It does not matter if it is just bending down to tie my shoes or to climb 22 flights of stairs. The nurses that have been in my life have made my life so much better. My brother makes me feel safe, my dad prays for me and makes me smile and laugh. My mom stays 24-7 when I am in the hospital and always helps the doctors take care of me. My friends will come and visit always. All of these people give me hope.

 

First Love

Our first love, comes only once. You may not imagine that your very first love could be a pet. You may not imagine that your heart could be shattered by losing your first “pet love”. Teaching your child to say goodbye to there first love maybe one of the hardest parenting heart aches. Helping them be able to look at the love that they once had and say,  thank you for coming  into my life and giving me joy, thank you for loving me and receiving my love in return. Thank you for the memories I will treasure forever. But most of all, thank you for showing me that you will never know true happiness until you have truly loved, and you will never understand what pain really is until you have lost it.  Then helping them know there will come a time when they can eventually let go.

Something special was formed between My son and his cat. He had complete trust that was accomplished by always being  there for each other. This love grew when listening to every heart ache every scary dream, by holding confidence and guarding each other.  My son fell in love with a special cat.  Not just any cat But a cat that came and warned us when he was sleep walking.  A cat that for the last 11 years has slept with him listened to him through every hard and great time he has had. She has endured every state that we have lived in, helping Ty adjust to every new place every new face.

Yesterday he lost his first love.  She was an amazing friend and trusted companion. This is one of the most painful events of his life. He has shown that he is growing into a young man who can share his love and trust with another.

 

 

Charlie, thank you for loving my son. Thank you for always being with him even when I was away. The most precious gift you have given our family is teaching our son how to love unconditionally and showing him unconditional love. You were a special spectacular cat. I will forever be grateful that you were part of our family.

 

 

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