Mirror Mirror on the wall… Who is the fairest of them all? Is it I? Do I look okay? Is my hair to frizzy? Are my hips to big? Are my legs to short? WHY? I ask myself this question!!! Why the heck do I care? As The new year is approaching, I want to be able to walk by the mirror and give it a wink. Not stand in front of every mirror or window or really anything that shows my reflecting yelling LIAR! I hate this person I have let myself become. I hate that for most of my life I have been on a diet. I am sick of being on a diet. I want to be good enough. I know that deep down somewhere is a confidant brave woman wanting out. Why do I demand on keeping her lock in daily torture of self hatred?
I have had an eating disorder since I was in jr. high. it started out innocent just because a coach told us we had to make the weight. As anyone who has an eating disorder knows it grows like an ugly monster. I have battled this monster and I am tired. I have gone from the extreme of not eating for weeks or the other extreme of throwing up everything I ate. I know that this is ugly I know that there are people starving, I understand… but I have never been able to actually admit it and move on. This is something that I have held close to my chest. I have not wanted to share because if I did I might really have to give it up. I want to be healthy… I want to be beautiful… Part of being healthy and beautiful to me is sharing and healing and moving on.
I am full of self doubt, I look around the world and I am not sure where my place is. I am choosing this year to be okay to be ME… Whom ever I am. I am tired of looking around and never finding myself…. You want to know why I can not find myself? I am not those other people. I have been with myself this whole time. I just have not taking time to get to know me.
These things I know to be true of me….
I love the Lord, I am a blessed wife and an awesome Mommy, I have crazy curly hair, tiny feet, a big big heart, I love to write, I love to create. I am disorganized clean freak. I am passionate.
This year I am making choices that are going to make a more awesome ME. I challenge you to think about something that you might want to choose to do to make a more awesome you. If we all do this we are going to create a whole new year of awesomeness! And together we are going to learn that you can not keep your awesomeness inside…
I love you!! The amazing thing is I have always seen a brave confident woman in you but most of all I see your light and that is something that a lot of people keep hidden but yours my friend shines so bright. Thank you for sharing!! I will accept this challenge with you this next year, that and trying to put down the fear of cancer and bad health. Love love this post and miss you like crazy.
M
Dear Rach, you ARE AWESOME! I cheer you on to accepting your awesomeness and continuing to grow in the awesome woman God created you to be….you alone, nobody else
My Dear Rach you are beautiful because it comes out in all the kind things you do for your family,and friends. don’t put you’re self down. God is making you what He wants you to be. Don’t through anything away. Just keep on keeoing on. Love Gram
You are brave and beautiful. I will be praying for you. And on the tough days, remember the God who created you, the husband who adores you, the boy who respects you, and the little girl who wants to be just like you. And don’t ever forget the friends who would do anything for you. I’m excited to see your next chapter, my friend.
It is funny how we view ourselves compared to how others see us. I see you as simply amazing. You are able to carry things that most of us would completely be shattered under. But, I understand what you are saying. I struggle with the same question. When will I be good enough? As the amazing women we are, we will find this answer if we keep looking. Someday we won’t give a rip what others think…or better yet, be will no longer be our worst critic. I am waiting for that day. Pushing on. Thanks for being real.