Mirror Mirror on the wall… Who is the fairest of them all? Is it I? Do I look okay? Is my hair to frizzy? Are my hips to big? Are my legs to short?  WHY? I ask myself this question!!!  Why the heck do I care? As The new year is approaching, I want to be able to walk by the mirror and give it a wink. Not stand in front of every mirror or window or really anything that shows my reflecting yelling LIAR! I hate this person I have let myself become.  I hate that for most of my life I have been on a diet. I am sick of being on a diet.  I want to be good enough.  I know that deep down somewhere is a confidant brave woman wanting out. Why do I demand on keeping her lock in  daily torture of self hatred?

I have had an eating disorder since I was in jr. high. it started out innocent just because a coach told us we had to make the weight. As anyone who has an eating disorder knows it grows like an ugly monster. I have battled this monster and I am tired. I have gone from the extreme of not eating for weeks or the other extreme of throwing up everything I ate.  I know that this is ugly I know that there are people starving, I understand… but I have never been able to actually admit it and move on. This is something that I have held close to my chest. I have not wanted to share because if I did I might really have to give it up.  I want to be healthy… I want to be beautiful… Part of being healthy and beautiful to me is sharing and healing and moving on.

I am full of self doubt, I look around the world and I am not sure where my place is. I am choosing this year to be okay to be ME… Whom ever I am. I am tired of looking around and never finding myself…. You want to know why I can not find myself? I am not those other people. I have been with myself this whole time. I just have not taking time to get to know me.

These things I know to be true of me….

I love the Lord, I am a blessed wife and an awesome Mommy, I have crazy curly hair, tiny feet, a big big heart, I love to write, I love to create. I am disorganized clean freak. I am passionate.

This year I am making choices that are going to make a more awesome ME. I challenge you to think about something that you might want to choose to do to make a more awesome you. If we all do this we are going to create a whole new year of awesomeness! And together we are going to learn that you can not keep your awesomeness inside…