Butt hurt… Why do we say this? Heart hurt… Mind hurt…. Soul hurt… Feelings hurt…There are so many other things that we could say that really would express how we really feel. I am a wimp. I tend to take little things that people say to me right to my soul and carry them with me FOREVER. Really, I never let them go. I will talk to myself over, and over, and over again for a thousand years. Most of the time whom ever said the “whatever” will never know. Sometimes I am brave, and will tell the someone about the “whatever”. But that does not make the “whatever” go away, I still carry it. I hate this about myself. I really do. It is one of the ugliest parts of my soul. I wish I could be more like the Lord, where we can ask for forgiveness and he throws the “whatever’s” as far as the east and the west. He never brings up the past “whatevers”. How do I change this ugly part of me? I have been trying for a really long time. I will keep praying.
Archive for October, 2009
I want to spank someone else’s kid…. Probable not a good thing. Maybe I should spank the parent of this child. I am trying to control my Mama bear rage as justified as I feel I know that the Lord would want me to keep it to myself. Or maybe he wouldn’t maybe he would want me to use this as a way to show his love through the way I react to the fact that some one else’ s kids is ill mannered. But what I really want to do is shoot daggers right through the heart of another mother. I am horrible….
Today I spent the day at the kids school weighing and measuring the mass of children of Teravista. We only did a third of the school, that’s right I still have two more days. I am crazy but I love being around the school just in-case my kids need me. Today I got to see both of my kids classes. When I was measuring Ty he told me that another student told him “that he wanted to blow his head off”. OMG, really fourth grade. Now boys can be boys a different student called him a “fart bag” I am not pissed at this kid Ty probably is a “fart bag“. But I am really upset about “blowing my kids head off” because kids do blow each other up these days. And it really scares me. I have made the choice to send my kids to pubic school, and with that choice comes the real fact that there is danger. I talked very calmly to the teacher and told her that it was not acceptable. She had a class discussion about community and what not, took recess away, but is this enough?
But would anything have happened if I was not at the school today? I am not sure and that is really bothering me. So now what, do I take this further and say more to the principal and over run the teacher? Or do I go straight to the MOM…. Because I can go all PTA MOM and well you all know me. Or do I leave it and let God.
I don’t think I am doing this challenge right. I am supposed to fine a way to praise God in everything, so let me try…
Thank you Lord for letting me be at the kids school today, wear I am able to be apart of there lives in a real way and make an impact on a daily basis. Thank you Lord for giving me kids that trust me to tell me when they have been hurt by words and that they are not the kids using words to hurt. Please Lord keep that strong conviction in there hearts to keep there words kind. I praise you for giving me Ty and Minnie and for them Loving you.
And that I did not spank someone else’s kid!
If you live in a neighborhood you know how amazing it is to be close to people that you like or maybe even love. We happen to have found ourselves in a place that no matter what time of day it is we can go to any of our neighbors and shop, talk, send our kids to play, or just have a glass of wine and rewind the days events. What we have found here is a family. It is really amazing the community that we have become wrapped up in. Not only do we live next door to these people but most of our lives are spent living with them as well. Our kids play daily, they are learning from eachother the good bad and ugly… Like it or not it is the truth, good thing is for the most part we have a great bunch of kids so paling around is okay. We spend most of our weekends with them as well. Friday nights you will find our house is filled with someone if it is not most of the neighborhood it is some of it. I am so happy to be “that” home. Even if I bitch about it some times. I really do feel so blessed by the fact that daily my kids are making memories in there neighborhood with friends that they will remember forever. I do need a kick in my but some days to remeber my blessing, like this am when my door bell rang and it was not the neighborhood kid asking me for a ride, it was the neighbor asking if my kids wanted a ride!